My, my – it’s all been kicking off in Europe recently and this time it has nothing to do with migrants or Brexits. Never in all the time I have been a Eurovision watcher have I known the Continent to be so fractious or there be so much pre-contest controversy.
My British chums will most likely be unaware that it will soon be upon us and will raise eyebrows and head for Lastminute.com in a bid to flee Europe once they realise. Indeed, the UK provides the starting point of my controversy count and you may not realise it but we, the people of these isles, have already chosen our entry. ***listens to the sound of the Tumbleweed***. So miffed were the Euro luvvies at the BBC that the proletariat were being allowed to elect our entry once more that they tucked the song selection night onto BBC4 and a third-rate amateur production worthy of Dave TV followed. Anonymous duo Joe and Jake won and have actually scored a recording contract with Sony, who will no doubt regret their decision soon come June.
There are 43 entries this year and all but 3 have now been selected. There would have been 44 but after competing since the Dawn of Time without ever winning, the Portuguese have decided enough is enough and quit. Either that or their 4 songwriters are all on holiday together. So what else has been going on?
Well, the furore that erupted over the Spanish entry was so explosive it trended globally on Twitter and why? For the first time ever their song will be sung not in Spanish but in English! Hot Tortillas! The Spanish public demanded a reversal of the decision but Barei, the feisty little lass who will sing it, refused and she has seriously endured a tirade of social media abuse since. Her countrymen may yet come to regret their venom as she is hotly tipped to take top spot this year. Meanwhile in Germany, the public outcry over their chosen performer was so vast and vocal that the national broadcaster did reverse their decision and a new representative was put to the public vote. The reason? The former chappie turned out to be a raving right-wing, anti-gay Daily Mail reader with a secret stash of Donald Trump photos in his leather Joy Boy dungeon. So he was axed and a new girl will represent the Fatherland. I predict that will be the zenith of her fame.
Still a lot of whinging from all across Europe that Australia has a been allowed to participate again this year. I reckon much of that could be sheer jealousy of their debut 5th place last year and an entry hotly tipped to do well this year. Oh…and there’s been a fair bit of press and social media sniggering at the choice of this year’s contest slogan: “Come Together”. I’ll just leave that there.
Over in Poland, public rage too and a national petition to change their song and singer has been launched and is rapidly gaining momentum. The Israeli broadcaster is also reported to be considering a massive re-vamp of its entry after domestic ire and just yesterday after a 6-week national search to find the song that will represent the host country, Sweden, a HUGE public outcry at their choice, which will be sung by a young Nigerian-British-Swedish lad called Frans, who could easily hail from East Putney when he speaks. Not a race issue here, but the Swedes felt they had at least 5 other songs in their final that were better. Don’t underestimate Swedish passions where Eurovision is concerned. They are on the verge of taking Ireland’s crown as the most successful country ever but I think Dublin can rest easy for another year. Talking of Ireland, look out for former Westlife band member, Nicky Byrne, singing theirs.
Lastly and slightly more seriously there has been a spat between Russia and Ukraine over the latter’s song called ‘1944’, which is what the late Sir Terry Wogan would have called a ‘maundering little dirge’ about the Soviet expulsion of the Tartars from Crimea in 1944 (see what they did there?). With Russia having again illegally annexed the Crimea from Ukraine in recent years and subjugated the local Tartar population, Russia felt, maybe somewhat justifiably, ‘got at’in a contest that is meant to be non-political ***pause for hysterical laughter*** Russia made an official complaint to the European Broadcasting Union to have the song banned but this was rejected by the EBU and if you listen very closely you may hear the sound of Russian Baltic Fleet being prepared to sail on Stockholm come May.
So like I say, quite some shenanigans already but the best, loudest and worst is yet to come. For the first time since 1975, they are overhauling the voting system and if you do manage to watch it through to the bitter end and think you’ve seen the winner…think again. There’s a nasty sting in the tail this time round but more on that another time.